Truths and Lies Revealed, Part Two

So, time to reveal the winners of my little truths and lies contest.  Two of you could distinguish between fact and crap, and you are…

drumroll, please?  Congratulations, Shelley and Rachel!  So here are the rest of my truths and lies.

TRUTH:  I sell sex toys to make a little extra cash.  Some people sell Mary Kay or Avon, but I sell battery-operated boyfriends… oh yeah!

Yep, it’s true.  I currently have a suitcase filled with every kind of vibrator you could imagine, along with other *ahem* bedroom accessories, which I sell at sex toy parties.  I got involved with Slumber Parties last year, after going to a Slumber Party as a guest.  I had a blast and thought it might be a fun way to make some extra money with a very flexible schedule.  It’s proven to be awesome!  Women love getting their girls together for a fun night and lots of crazy romance-enhancing products, and I love that I get to leave Aiden and Daddy together for some fun while I get out of the house with my suitcase o’ dildos.  So… um… if you are ever wanting some bedroom accessories, help a girl out and make sure you purchase them through me, please… I promise I won’t tell the internet what you bought! (Your 10 inch double dong is secret with me, I swear!)

TRUTH:  I studied political science, and I’ve talked smack about those who fail to vote, but I don’t always vote myself.  Isn’t that an awful thing to admit?  Eek.  Voter apathy and hypocrisy at its best, I suppose.

I know, I know.  This is terrible, isn’t it?  I’ve never missed a truly important election, but I’ve skipped a couple of primaries before and I never voted while I lived in Nebraska for my first television job. 

LIE:  I “sabotaged” another pageant contestant during my Miss America days… I hid her evening gown shoes, so she had to wear mis-matched shoes on stage and it made her look pretty dumb.  I won that pageant, by the way.

So some of ya thought I actually did this, hmm? So. not. true.

LIE:   I have been singing all my life and have performed in an national tour of Les Miserables.

This statement is partially true… I have been singing for a long time and I have performed in many musicals.  However, I don’t think I am anywhere close to talented enough to perform in a national tour.  So nope, no Les Mis for me.

TRUTH:  I’ve been kicked out of a bar for having a physical altercation with another person, and had to be escorted to the door because I refused to leave.

Yep, I might not seem like the kind of girl who’d get into a bar fight.  But this is true.  Here’s how it went down:

First, alcohol.  Lots of it.  Then, my boyfriend (now huz) Jason glances at a nearby waitress and says in a haze of booze, “Hey, that waitress is hot.”  Big mistake, dumbass.  As a notorious lightweight who is way too drunk, I am both offended and not impressed with the aforementioned waitress.  Soooo… I lean toward her and flick her shoulder while saying, “She is so NOT hot.”  You know, how you put your thumb and pointer finger together and flick?  That’s what I did to her while her back was turned. 

The waitress whirls around, pissed off, and says, “Who did that?”  I gaze at her with a drunken smile and proudly pinpoint myself.

And I then I lean forward slowly, deliberately, and flick her on the shoulder again. 

She goes apeshit and demands that I leave.  I turn from “playful, flicking” drunk into “angry, you’re not the boss of me” drunk.  I refuse to go anywhere.  She turns to call the bouncers.  I flick her shoulder again.  Bouncers escort me from the premises.  The end. 

I should note that I still blame Jason for this entire episode, however.  Because, dude, no matter how fricking drunk you are, you don’t blatantly point out other hot chicks to your girlfriend.  Just ogle them from afar like other guys do, you idiot. 

Thanks for playing truths and lies with me!