some random crap of the reality tv variety

The Biggest Loser!  Ali won!! I love her.  But she’s making me feel like a big fat slob now.  Girl’s down to like 120 pounds and she did it so fast!  And she kicked Roger’s boo-tay, didn’t she?  Love it.

I’ve said it before, and I will say it again.  I really need to get off my lazy ass and lose the last 15 lbs of baby weight.  It’s not that much, but come on!  Lazy cookie eating treadmill hating internet surfing fatty woman!  Get with it.  (Does it really do any good to publicly name-call and yell at… yourself?  I have no idea).

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American Idol.  I’m mad at you for ditching Michael Johns last week, but I didn’t really mind that Kristy Lee got the boot tonight.  I was just bored with her.  Loving David Cook.  David Archuleta has a beautiful voice but if I hear one more power ballad I am going to scream.  He seems sweet but sort of like an awkward little singing robot.  And can I just say that something about Jason Castro brings out the lovestruck teenager in me?  I don’t normally dig dreads but my god, those eyes.  Sigh.  I want to move to Hawaii with him and make him sing little folksy ditties to me all day on the beach.

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Dancing With the Stars.  This season’s sort of boring.  I mean, Kristi Yamaguchi is sweet and cute, but I do think her performance and experience as an ice skater helps her.  She has had previous movement training that makes her graceful and especially helps her upper body look great.  It’s almost anticlimactic every week… you know she’s gonna kick everyone’s asses, you know?  But I heart Mark Ballas and would like to have him along for the ride in Hawaii with me and Jason Castro (see above).  Kinky, kinky!

Don’t really care that Priscilla Presley got kicked off.  Her plastic surgery was scary… did you see her in the close ups?  Yikes.

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And finally, Rock of Love 2.  THE FINALE!  I love this fricking show.  I dunno if Ambre was really a perfect match for Bret, but thank god he didn’t pick skank ho Daisy.  He kept saying how hot she was but I just want to give her a bath.  And then dip her in bleach.  And then put her in quarantine.  As for Ambre being the chosen one, well, when do ya think Rock of Love 3 is gonna hit the airwaves?

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Next up on my reality playlist.  Miss Rap Supreme on VH1.  Bwa ha ha.  A bunch of rappin’ biatches live in a house together and try to become rap royalty.  And one of them is Khia… you may not recognize her name but you must know her old song… “My neck, my back, my &#@*! and my crack.”  (Mom, if you read this, I hope you don’t know that song.)  I know it’s gross, but I love that tune.  Brings out the bad girl in me.  At least it used to, back when I’d go dancing at the clubs.  Now I just stay home and wipe up baby drool.  And clean the toilets.  While wearing nursing bras.  (What the hell has happened to me?  Where did I disappear to?) Ah, the fall from grace.  Hurts like a mo fo.

I’m out.