lucky
Posted by: Kelly on: July 11, 2008
I’m sitting outside right now on our patio, soaking up a bit of sun while Aiden runs around the yard with our three (THREE!) dogs and has a jolly old time.
Oh, how he loves being outside. Thanks to our fenced yard, he can run all over the place without any worry of him wandering off or getting too close to the street. I think Aiden believes he is part of the “pack” of dogs. He chases them around, runs to the fence making little barking sounds when they make noise, and he even likes to try and drink from their water bowl. I know, gross. But he gets down on all fours and leans over to lap out of the bowl, and it really is cute. And gross. He also likes to drink from the hose. I think I am raising a full-fledged canine here.
Right now, Aiden is carefully making his way down the little hill in our backyard, smiling at me and waving. The sun glints off his blonde highlights and his whole head is shining like gold. He’s tough and sturdy and sweet and innocent. Just all boy, and all mine.
And I’m so lucky.
We got horrible news last week about a family member. After many miscarriages, she was overjoyed to find that she was pregnant. Due in November, we had seen her in late May and it was wonderful. We all exclaimed over her growing belly, chatted about babies, and looked forward to future playdates.
Just before the July 4th weekend, she had a routine ultrasound that shattered her world. Some of the baby’s organs had not developed, and she was told that there was no hope for the little baby who she had hoped to have for so long.
No mother should have to decide whether to induce labor immediately or carry a baby to term, knowing that either choice will yield the same tragic result. No mother should have to check into a hospital over a holiday weekend to go through the stress and pain of childbirth, knowing that all of this work and pain and pushing will be for naught. No mother should have to hold her little baby boy in her arms, a little boy who never took a single breath, and say goodbye before she even had the chance to say hello.
And then I look at my son, currently torturing the dogs by stealing their toys and streaking across the yard in a fit of giggles. And I wonder, why? Why does this happen? Why have I been so blessed? Why am I so very lucky?
I don’t have the answers. I don’t have the capacity to understand. I just know that I can never, never take it for granted.
10 Responses to "lucky"
2 | Kate
July 11, 2008 at 1:54 pm
A cousin of mine went through a very similar situation almost one year ago exactly. It was a very sad time for the family, but it was also a time that made us all think of how blessed we were in so many ways. Last month, though, she gave birth to a healthy baby girl–a true blessing!
3 | Valerie
July 11, 2008 at 3:10 pm
Oh, Kelly, that is just heartbreaking. My prayers are with her and your family that she manages to find some comfort despite all of this.
You love on that little one of yours. I think we sometimes forget what a miracle all children are.
4 | andrea
July 11, 2008 at 4:11 pm
How terrible. I am also due in November and just take it for granted every day that I have had a relatively smooth and uneventful pregnancy. They will all be in my thoughts.
We’ve also got a large fenced backyard and it saves me from dragging my lazy pregnant butt to the park on those days that I can barely manage to get myself dressed.
5 | Jenna
July 11, 2008 at 5:03 pm
I know someone who was due in October. At her 20 week ultrasound, they told her just about that same thing. I could never imagine going in for my routine ultrasound, invariably excited to find out if the baby was also going to be a boy or a girl, and find out this news. I can’t figure out why it happens to some and not others. She was so excited. It’s so devasting. And so unfair to those who have wanted that child for so very long.
6 | Melissa
July 11, 2008 at 8:47 pm
That has to be just… beyond heartbreaking. I can’t even imagine. My heart goes out to your friend.
You’re exactly right on not taking kids for granted. Even on “bad” days, they’re still a blessing, just because they’re here.
7 | Laurel
July 13, 2008 at 7:18 pm
I am so sorry for your friend. You are correct- count your blessings!
8 | Kellie
July 13, 2008 at 9:48 pm
How awful 
A friend of a friend tried for a long time to carry a baby to term and birth a live baby. She struggled with early miscarriages and delivered two stillborns. Last summer, she had a similar tragedy as your family member. She thought this was THE baby that would make it. It wasn’t. She carried him to term, delivered him and then had his funeral three days later. It’s wrong and it’s hard to understand because it just doesn’t mak sense.
I’m sorry.
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July 11, 2008 at 1:10 pm
You know I feel the same way. I will get all down in the dumps about things that usually work themselves out. If I really look at what I’ve accomplished in my life and at everything I have I realize how much love and beauty there is in my life. It also makes me feel bad when I start to gripe and I see people who are in horrible situations. For example the floods in the midwest. I was bitching about something and crying about Scott’s job situation, then I see that news footage and realize I have nothing to complain about. I still have my home!